when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
