i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
