His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
