well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
