Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
