Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
