I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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