She is in my trunk
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
