did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
