Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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