my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
