How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
