oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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