Banned from zoo.
Again?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
