am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
