i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
