I wish my penis had an off switch
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
