I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
