brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
there was a trapeze. enough said
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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