so that wasnt chicken after all
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Pooping to opera.
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