I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
