You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
whose parrot is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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