Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
