My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
