I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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