did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
