how hairy? two words: wookie tits
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The best revenge is premature balding
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
