I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
