eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
