first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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