How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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