i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
