think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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