Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
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