peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
