I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
