Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
