I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
