Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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