I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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