Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
