Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
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