i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
