I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
