now i know why i became what i already was.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
