Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
