Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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