fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police scanner is talking about you again....
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize