Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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