I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
