You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Houston, we have a blender
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
