did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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