i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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