just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
