I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
