he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
