...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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