I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
