so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
