god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
