I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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