We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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