I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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