u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
