you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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