we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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