What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
