I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
