i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
