what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Randomize
